I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
