There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
