that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
bring money and cleavage
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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