i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
