I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i black out too much to be "responsible"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
