she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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