I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
