what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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