um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
