I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's like iHOP with fire
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
