I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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