Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the day after is always just damage control
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
