All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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