Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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