sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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