I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
