Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
