so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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