drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
