found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
