Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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