So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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