I'm gonna have a badass scar
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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