You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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