you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
