This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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