There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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