I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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