if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
there was a trapeze. enough said
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she peed on how many people?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
