she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I intend to get homeless drunk
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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