my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
