I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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