NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
