You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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