You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
