Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize