my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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