im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
