You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
