They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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