ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
