Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
