Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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