He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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