As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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