I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
