My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
