you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
