forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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