he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
