im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
