they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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