Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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