he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
