More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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