Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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