i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
