Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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