"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize