Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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