My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
