dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
