You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
