it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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