brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
