I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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