the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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