I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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